“Listen very carefully. If any person dares to violate one orifice on this body, she will be eating her teeth for breakfast. I do indeed appear to be the picture of Southern gentility, but, when I get riled, I make Rambo look like Little Mary Sunshine. Am I making myself crystal clear?”—Julia Sugarbaker, The Greatest
Julia Sugarbaker:Dr. Mitchell, I'm Julia Sugarbaker. May I come in?
Dr. Mitchell:Yes, but I hope this won't take long. I'm on the staff of three hospitals, and I still have rounds.
Julia Sugarbaker:Oh, I understand how very very busy you are, and I'll be brief. I've come because I'm a very close friend of Charlene Frazier's.
Dr. Mitchell:Charlene Frazier is no longer my patient, so I can't see....
Julia Sugarbaker:Actually I'm not here only for Charlene's behalf, but on behalf of all your patients.
Dr. Mitchell:I don't understand.
Julia Sugarbaker:What I'd like to know is, how many more women are you gonna kill before you retire?!
Dr. Mitchell:I beg your pardon?!
Julia Sugarbaker:You see, I've done a little checking on you, Dr. Mitchell, and I've discovered that Charlene is not the first woman you've told to wait and see. You said the same thing to another close friend of mine, only at that time I didn't know that you were her physician. Well she trusted you. She waited four months before her breasts had become so misshapen she had to come back, but by then it was too late.
Dr. Mitchell:Mrs. Sugarbaker, I don't think I would care to discuss with you medical judgments which you know nothing about.
Julia Sugarbaker:Medical jargon doesn't impress me. I was brought up in a medical family, and my grandfather always said 80% was common sense. There's nothing mysterious about having a lump in your breast. It's simple, when you find one you have it x-rayed or biopsied. I know that. Most physicians know that. What I don't understand is, why don't you know that?
Dr. Mitchell:(arrogantly) Perhaps I'm of the old school.
Julia Sugarbaker:(furiously) That's not "old school"! That's gross incompetence!!!
Dr. Mitchell:Well, it's obvious to me that you are an emotional, overwrought woman.
Julia Sugarbaker:Not emotional, Doctor, I'm just plain mad. Which is why I'm filing charges against you with the state medical bureau and the AMA.
Dr. Mitchell:Well, if you want to make a fool of yourself, be my guest, but I can assure you you're in no way qualified to make these judgments. I think this meeting is over.
Julia Sugarbaker:I think so too, but as for qualified, neither are you. You don't depend on medicine. Your weapon is intimidation. You're a seemingly kind, benevolent authority figure who tells women to let you do their worrying for them. Well there's just one thing wrong with that, Dr. Mitchell; you don't have to do their dying!
What I meant to say:I have a strong emotional attachment to this character, and I often find myself having moments where I want nothing more than to reach out and hold them when they go through certain situations. Allow me to explain how I feel.
What I actually said:ASFDGHJK;LJ LGFKJDSHFH;DJFHG JHL FEEEEEEEEELS /gross sobbing
birdartpoetry asked: Mister Gaiman, you’re kickass. I was just wondering, what do you think is the best way to seduce a writer? I figured your answer would be pretty spectacular.
In my experience, writers tend to be really good at the inside of their own heads and imaginary people, and a lot less good at the stuff going on outside, which means that quite often if you flirt with us we will completely fail to notice, leaving everybody involved slightly uncomfortable and more than slightly unlaid.
So I would suggest that any attempted seduction of a writer would probably go a great deal easier for all parties if you sent them a cheerful note saying “YOU ARE INVITED TO A SEDUCTION: Please come to dinner on Friday Night. Wear the kind of clothes you would like to be seduced in.”
And alcohol may help, too. Or kissing. Many writers figure out that they’re being seduced or flirted with if someone is actually kissing them.